When it comes to dating advice, especially for men, there’s an overwhelming amount of information out there — and much of it isn’t helpful.
Some of the most common advice comes from women, which is often good in theory, but doesn’t work well in practice. This can be due to their own experiences being... biased. Many women offering advice are very attractive, and what works on them only applies to men they already find attractive. But I digress.
As a man, I can only speak from my own experience and will focus this dating advice for other men.
Confidence is built through self-awareness, competence, and decisiveness. True confidence comes from understanding your identity in Christ. When you know you are loved and valued by God, you can approach dating with security and purpose. Humility isn't just being humble. Humility is thinking no more and no less of yourself than you should.
It's important to have emotional self-control in order to build attraction because it shows that you're stable, reasonable, and can't be easily swayed. In order to lead others (like in a relationship), you have to demonstrate that you can lead yourself first. Cultivate patience. Lead with humility and kindness. Reflect Christlike behavior in how you treat women.
Think about how a woman will evaluate you on a first date. What makes a man attractive? She wants a man who's going somewhere. She wants someone who's well put together. Who has goals and dreams. Who has self-respect and the respect of others. Leadership, assertiveness, independence, stability, ambition, purpose, adventure — these are all masculine traits you want to embody.
Before you start going on dates, sit down and reflect on what you’re truly looking for in a partner. Make a list of:
Also, take time to reflect on your personality type and the kind of person who would complement you well. Self-awareness will help you approach dating with clarity and purpose, ensuring that your relationships are built on a solid foundation.
Dating should be anything but boring. It should be fun, engaging, and intentional. Focus on keeping the mood light and being authentic in your interactions.
Think of it this way: If you’re not being yourself, you’re misleading someone.
And don’t say no for someone else. You might not think you have a chance with someone or that it's not going well, but you never know what's going on in someone's head.
Get in the habit of saying yes and being open. My rule was that if they were attractive and passed the initial deal breakers in our chat conversation, there was no reason I wouldn’t try to go on a date with them.
Screen for the non-negotiables early on. For example, wanting kids, being involved in church, or having a good sense of humor. If they check those boxes, push to go on a date even if you’re unsure about their appearance or other aspects. People often look better (or worse) in person, so give them a fair chance.
I found Hinge to be the best for meeting quality people, but I also had some success with The League. There are a few good Christian-only dating apps, but I noticed most of the same people were also on Hinge. Others have found success with sites like Christian Mingle, though these often cater to long-distance relationships.
A strong dating profile highlights your personality, interests, and what you’re looking for in a fun and approachable way. Here’s an example of what worked for me:
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I'd give my profile a solid B. It has decent pictures, some fun prompts that make it easy to find shared interests, and filters for women who love dogs.
Always respond to a prompt or an interesting picture. Nothing screams boring like responding to someone's first picture with "Hey how's it going?" Prompts are there to spark a fun conversation. Use them as an opportunity to show your personality and sense of humor. Crack a joke, ask an interesting question, or tease them about something.
Once you have a good chat going, get the number or ask them out quickly. Don’t linger in endless chat conversations. Aim to get their number or suggest meeting in person within the first week or even the first conversation if the vibe feels right.
Of course, it's more ideal to meet someone in person than over an app, but it also takes a lot more effort and patience.
The key is to be "always on". Look for opportunities in social settings, church events, or mixers to introduce yourself. I've gone out with people I met at a movie theater in another state and friend of a friend's birthday party.
Read body language cues. Look for signs of interest like sustained eye contact, smiling, or positioning themselves where you’ll notice them. These can indicate they’re open to being approached.
I'm not going to call it a "prop" but it can help to have some sort of gimmick to meet people. A dog, an interesting thing you're holding, snacks or candy you can hand out (yes, seriously)... things like that.
Be open to connections through friends. Many great relationships start with introductions from mutual friends. Friends can help break the ice and create a relaxed environment.
Don't be afraid to tease or disagree with someone you're talking to — in fact, that makes the conversation way more interesting and flirty 99% of the time.
And when you've felt like the interaction has run it's course, simply say you'd like to keep in touch and ask if you can share their phone number or social media profile with you.
One of the most surprising dating experiences I had came from a trip abroad with friends who made conversation with someone at an airport in Ireland. They introduced me to their single friend while we were there, and we ended up dating long-distance for a couple of months. You never know how God might work through the people around you.
I once attended an in-person mixer where I made it a point to introduce myself to as many people as possible. While it was initially nerve-wracking, it became easier and easier to connect after just a few conversations. You can take comfort knowing that everyone around you is just as nervous as you if not even more nervous. So you're doing them a favor by initiating and carrying the conversation.
Church community is a great way to meet someone. There have been plenty of instances where someone asks if I might be interested in their friend. If you make it known that you're looking and open to giving people a shot, it'll start to happen. One lesson I learned was to not feel awkward about seeing those potential matches around afterward, whether or not you went out with them.
The first date should be simple, low-pressure, and in a public space. Opt for coffee, tea, ice cream, or a casual snack. Choose a spot that offers flexibility — somewhere you can easily transition to a walk or quieter seating if things go well.
After a first date, how you handle the follow-up can tell you a lot about the other person’s interest level:
During the early stages of dating, focus on building connections and letting them play out naturally.
It’s okay to date multiple people simultaneously during this phase to avoid getting too invested too quickly. This allows you to explore different connections and have peace of mind that you’re making the best decision without unnecessary pressure.
Let her come to you. Avoid over-texting or overwhelming her with attention. Allow space for her to pursue you as well. Women need space to sort out their feelings. Still, be intentional and pursue. But don't be overbearing or in a rush to always have the next date lined up.
Ask deal-breaker questions. Explore topics that matter for long-term compatibility, such as faith, family, and future goals. Don't be afraid to challenge her or ask questions about the things that matter to you.
Build physical attraction through eye contact, smiling, light occasional touching, and subtle compliments. Respect boundaries while demonstrating confidence and affection in appropriate ways. Be flirty, but don't be weird. Flirty is subtle and surprising. Weird is overly direct and predictable.
It’s tempting to want to define a relationship early, but taking your time allows you to truly build a genuine connection. Especially when dating someone who you weren't friends with previously, you want to take your sweet time to really get to know this person. Approach the early stages of dating with curiosity and without pressure, giving the relationship space to grow naturally. It’s much easier to get to know someone and build a genuine connection when you have no agenda.
Taking your time allows you to truly understand a woman’s values, personality, and compatibility with your own life goals. In traditional, Biblical gender roles, the woman is generally joining the man in his life. So evaluate her for what she brings to your life and give her time to understand what she'd be potentially joining as well. When you’re not in a hurry, you’ll also naturally appear more confident and secure, which are highly attractive traits.
You also don’t truly know someone until about 90 days in. Early on, people are often on their best behavior or might unintentionally act like a chameleon. It's easy to get lip service and talk about shallow things when you're just getting to know someone because you don't want to jeopardize the opportunity. And time is the only remedy to allow someone to open up and be themselves around you.
Asking someone to be exclusive with you before they're ready is a huge risk. It can derail the relationship and put unnecessary pressure that usually defaults to a "no" decision. Making it exclusive should feel like an obvious next step and easy "yes" decision that the other is waiting for.
When your relationship reaches an exclusive and serious stage, it’s important to approach it with intentionality and focus on building a healthy foundation for the future. Here are some tips:
Think about what you want your future marriage to look and feel like, and then treat your relationship as a test run to see how it matches up. You have to steer and guide a relationship to function how you want it to, otherwise it will devolve into something that likely won't be a fulfilling and lasting marriage.
Especially as the man, you have to be intentional about leading every day and in every situation.
Dating is hard. REALLY hard. It can feel so overwhelming at times, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. A relationship with someone often acts as a mirror, forcing you to confront every aspect of yourself from the point of view of someone else. By focusing on becoming the best version of yourself, staying true to your values, and approaching relationships with patience and intentionality, you set the stage for something meaningful and lasting.
Remember, the goal isn’t just to find someone, but to find the right person — someone who aligns with your faith, values, and vision for the future. Trust God’s timing, stay open to opportunities, and be willing to put yourself out there.
Despite the outcome, you should always strive to make each other more Godly through the dating process.
